traxspotting

You were right about me. Maybe.

People tell me that if I wasn't a good Mormon boy, my vice would be drugs. People think I would be a very obvious pothead. I tend to think that I don't need marijuana to be as laid back as I already am (I certainly don't need it to contribute to my paranoia).

Actually, the biggest reason I don't think I'd be too into the drug scene is because I got gassed at the dentist once and it had the opposite effect. I felt my body relaxing and the feeling of losing my anxiety (or what I would consider my normalcy) caused me to overcompensate in panic mode. You know after typing that, I suppose if I got used to the feeling of a different state of consciousness, it would become the new normal. Suddenly the life of an addict would all fit into place.

Anyway, this normalcy is best exemplified for real by the fact that I just finished eating a Carl's Junior meal. Every single time I eat something at Carl's Junior I regret it. Every time I actually consider getting something from there I actually remember regretting it 100% of the time. This does not divert me. I still get a minor fix -- but after that my body, mind and soul are in serious need of repair.

Of course it's 11 pm and I have no food at home. Is it really that unusual?