reignition

It's strangely come to my attention that people read this thing sometimes. Not often, but sometimes and that's better than nothing.

Do you know what would be really awesome though? What if tons of people read my blog? But that's only a tiny part of what I need to be awesome. What if tons of people read my blog -- but I was still anonymous? Can you imagine how great it would be to lay out all the dirt on everybody I knew; sought for advice without the people I needed advice for finding out and also telling the dirtiest, most miserable stuff ever with no way of Mom finding out? But most of all I could legitimately crowd source all of my problems to an unbiased reservoir of semi-experts.

Or maybe that whole idea is screwed up. What kind of person seeks the advice of strangers when there are so many friends and family who ought to be more willing to step up to the job? They also have the added bonus of really knowing me.

The more I know people, the more fallible they are. That's the thing. True character development mostly shows weakness, not strength. That may be why all my favorite movie characters are the ones most unseen and mysterious (hello there, Boba Fett). If you've ever seen the show Babylon 5, Lennier will be your favorite character until he develops feelings. I challenge everybody to try out Babyon 5. I just endured the whole series (rewarding, but laborious).

Anyway, it's good to be back in therapy (writing this blog) again. You may have noticed I took a long break. The reason, I suppose, is because I didn't need to anymore. 2011 was pretty rough -- internally. It was nearly as cruel as the summer of '98. If you remember, that summer Ace of Base released a cover of "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama (only more horrible). It really was a cruel summer though, both times.

I had a lot of feeling to vent out. I vented and I managed. If you look back and read what I said, you probably wouldn't get much of a glimpse of what was actually putting me out so bad. And I won't actually say because I'm not as honest a person as I should be and this blog's not anonymous. It fulfilled its position at the time and as a result I'm less of a raving maniac than maybe I would have been otherwise.

I'm not gonna put the thing away though. The therapy is always welcome. I think I'll call it "angst-ridden 14-year-old girl bloggy therapy for gross men over twice that age."

*****

Memories make me feel guilty presently.

I don't know why I thought of it, but many many years ago I was driving in a car with girl and we played a game where we'd flip a coin every other intersection to determine which way we'd go (oh wait, I remember why I thought of it -- in Babylon 5 Captain Sheridan sort of did the same thing just before he died -- except he was on a starship). Anyway, this chick and I were laughing and flirting and just really full of life. It made me feel guilty, because if I ever get married, I don't presently have the energy or youth to give that much enjoyment to my wife. It's totally unfair to her.

*****

"Stairway to Heaven" came on the radio today. I've heard it a million times, but I'm currently going through my "Zeppelin phase." Klosterman says that every male in America goes through the Zeppelin phase at some point, but it's different for everybody. Somehow I missed mine in my teens or twenties. That meant that tonight's listening of "Stairway" was the best hearing of it I've ever heard.

Remember in The Simpsons when the school bus somehow got lost at sea? Otto swam to get help, but was carried away in the current. As this happened, he yelled what I'm sure he presumed to be his last words: "Zeppelin rules!" At this point, I would be honored if those were my last words.

Okay. Fine. Maybe I do have some enjoyment left. She probably better like Zeppelin.