peace and queues, thinking and driving

I watch a lot of television.

A lot.

I guess it's not really TV, it's Netflix. I don't have cable in my room. Not much difference though. It's just like I'm watching TV a year ago or something.

Anyway, I come home from work and watch Netflix until I go to bed.

Every day.

Is it an addiction? Maybe. It may certainly seem that way from the outside. Do I have to do it? Certainly not. Do I actually force myself to do it? Yes. Why? because it is better than the alternative. The alternative is simply being alone with my thoughts for more than a half hour at once.

I was thinking while driving today. Thinking is almost as dangerous as drinking (while drinking is a lot like Netflix, actually). I was thinking about romance and how I've let it escape so many times. I was thinking about that charge you get when you meet someone interesting. I've gotten that charge so many times. Now, I'm so out of fuel that I'd be surprised if a spark ever ignites again. I think the reason I never really latched onto love the way I should have is because I thought love was all those little charges and sparks -- and not what came after them.

Anyway, lately I've been watching a lot of Hyperdrive. It's a British sci-fi comedy starring Nick Frost. I would love to make a show just like it. The third season of Parks and Rec is actually pretty funny. Rob Lowe and Adam Scott help tremendously. Of course there's always Deep Space Nine -- but that's mostly obligation.

that show is funny

One month straight, then one month gone.

I needed something to watch just now while I was doing the laundry. Chappelle's Show was on. The show's hilarious, but I feel a little guilty watching it.

They apparently gave the guy like half a billion dollars to do the show and he walked away from it. Most people will tell you that the guy simply couldn't take the pressure of such a contract -- that nothing that was eventually produced could live up to such a number. I don't think that was the case.

The guy made a show that wasn't so much shocking as it was subversive. The guy had things to say. I think he not only wanted to make people laugh, but he wanted to use the show as a forum. I think he wanted to empower (hopefully I don't sound foolish as I tread carefully here) the black community in America.

The show got big enough that it went beyond empowerment, though. I think he had a hard time seeing progress made when 90% of all white kids used "I'm Rick James, bitch!" as their catchphrase.

Remember that sketch that had something to do with slavery reparations suddenly happening? If I remember correctly, the joke was that many of the people who got the reparations spent the money in extremely frivolous ways rather than building a better society for themselves. While he was trying to send a message to black America, the rest of the country was laughing at the joke a little too hard.

I wanted to write just now and just wing it, but I went to Wikipedia to verify that there actually was a reparations sketch. While there, I came across a peculiar quote from the guy during a stand-up performance in the final days of the show:

"You know why my show is good? Because the network officials say you're not smart enough to get what I'm doing, and every day I fight for you. I tell them how smart you are. Turns out, I was wrong. You people are stupid."

(Apparently he said this after so many people in the audience said "I'm Rick James, bitch!" over and over again).

It wasn't about the pressure of the money that made the guy quit, but I think the money had something to do with it. I think it further emphasized, in his mind anyway, that he wasn't changing the world for the better. His show was doing the opposite of what he set out to do. Rather than educating through comedy, it was helping enforce the stereotypes he was trying to break down. And on top of it all -- to add to that guilt -- Chappelle was bought at a very large price. Millions and millions of dollars to keep boarding a train that had all the momentum but was going in the wrong direction.

Now every time I watch the show I'm afraid I'm laughing a little too hard.

things go right too often

I only caught the last half hour of the Emmys.

When Downton Abbey won the award for best mini-series, Julian Fellowes remarked in his speech, "We don't know why sometimes things go right; but tonight, they've gone right." Hopefully I typed it accurately enough to justify putting it in quotes.

He said this in the context that his joy at being in that position was a result of struggle, suffering and doubt up to that point. Things going right didn't seem natural, but ultimately that's what happened -- even after everything else going wrong.

I sat there watching, thinking about how everything goes right most of the time, but that doesn't mean I'm ultimately where I want to be now. Even worse, I haven't paid for it.

I've always had it too easy. Now I'm not at the Emmys.

psychedelic youth aged to perfection

Last night I went to a concert by myself. It's a common occurrence. Second only to going to movies by myself.

The show was the Psychedelic Furs and I felt it was a good opportunity to catch some 80s vibe before all my idols die (and even though apparently Weird Al was playing at the state fair at the same time)

The Psychedelic Furs are unusual. I can't place them well. They're unique enough to not be "mainstream 80s nostalgia" if that even makes sense. They're probably best known for lead singer Richard Butler unofficially winning the prize for the Britishest accent while singing. I always found their songs to be dripping with cynicism while sort of trying to be romantic.

I wondered if after all these years, he'd look sort of pathetic.

He looked far less pathetic than he sounded if that's even a compliment in any way.

He looked giddy. Giddier than any of his songs. He looked like he went through pain and confusion in his youth, expressed his emotions and is now reaping a cathartic reward for his past suffering. It's actually inspiring. It doesn't hurt that the guy is still 80s skinny. I hope I'm always 80s skinny.

Strangely every time I go to The Depot to see a show I get a wonderful dose of 80s sax. 80s sax is so joyful. Does anybody even play the saxophone anymore? If they play it, is it just to be ironic? It seems like there's an emotional, almost dreamlike (I almost typed "almost fictional" there, but I'm not sure you'd understand what I meant by that -- obviously I don't mean it doesn't exist -- I mean more otherworldly than music actually is) quality to it that we're missing now. This euphoria is lost today. We need 80s sax equivalent.

Strangely, more inspiring was the opening band Tom Tom Club, which I knew very little about before the show.

Tom Tom Club is composed of two Talking Heads members, one of which is singer and bassist Tina Weymouth. They have another chick singer named Victoria I believe. Tina and Victoria must be grandmothers. They look like grandmothers. That did not stop the both of them from wearing tiny black dresses and dancing like teenagers while on stage. At first it was sort of embarrassing. Grandmothers have no right to do that -- that's the involuntary knee jerk. Of course, who are we to tell grandmothers what to do?

I hope I'm that cool when I'm a grandmother.

Hey, I know it's not likely that I'll ever become a grandmother, but I like to dream big, okay?

The girls in Tom Tom Club certainly looked old, but their voices really sounded 20ish. Sort of like punk angels.

I think our voices are younger than our looks in many ways. I've always said (well, ever since I got old anyway) that the worst thing about getting old is actually feeling young, but being old. Voice is a double meaning. It's the audible sound from our throat, but it's also an expression of feeling. Usually our feelings struggle to catch up to our chronology.

breakin' the chains of love

I bought a great CD yesterday.

I had to drive to two Graywhales to get it. It's called Pickin' Up the Pieces by Fitz & the Tantrums.

I think I like it even more than my Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings album which was the last CD I bought and that was a couple of months ago (also after driving to two separate Graywhales). Both CDs are a throwback to soul records of 40 years ago. It's exhilarating really.

I'm listening to Pickin' Up the Pieces right now and chair dancing to the music is absolutely involuntary. Like all pop songs, the material on the record is about heartbreak. This time, however, it's sincere and soulful. You need to listen to it. You deserve to listen to it.

I hate liking new music. I feel guilty enough not listening to all the music I have. Now, getting into new genres, I feel bad for not becoming a further expert in the 80s British New Romantic movement (probably my specialty).

There is too much music on earth. There's simply too much good music for me to be happy. If there were only 100 good songs in the world. I'd know those. I'd know there was nothing else, and I'd be happy. The sheer amount of pop music I'm not familiar with is simply overwhelming. I've been moved to tears by incredible songs, but the best songs out there -- the ones that would leave me in a shuddering heap -- I'll never hear.

There's misery and then there's the sublime. Both are similar. Both hurt in a lot of ways.

Back when I was depresseder than I am now, my therapist actually told me that some kind of labor is actually essential for happiness. He couldn't explain it. He just said that studies have concluded it. I suppose that explains why retired people get so blue. A reward isn't worth it unless there is a constant struggle involved.

This knowledge freaks me out. Life is painful, but there's no rest from it. The absence of pain leads to unhappiness. We work hard to get rid of our pain in order to earn different pain. That continues, I assume, long after our lives are over in some form of existence.

My late father actually coined a sort of motto: "happiness 'till it hurts." I'm not sure I get it completely. I'll have to listen to him give that speech and then get back to you.

sexual harassment video script

SEXUAL HARASSMENT VIDEO

INT. Side shot of a man sitting at a desk. Goofy cheap vintage training video Atari 2600 music plays. Title card reads: “The Official Graffito Enterprises Training Video: Sexual Harassment and YOU!” Cut to front view of the man at the desk. He is wearing a hideous toupee.

MAN AT DESK

Good day. My name is George

Swoobner. I work for the Human

Resources department here

at Graffito Enterprises.

I’m here to guide you

through the hopefully unexciting

world of SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Possible change of camera to side view. The man at the desk turns to face the camera

SWOOBNER

You know, many people will tell

you that abiding a company’s

sexual harassment policies is

as easy as using common

sense and considering other

people’s feelings.

This is incorrect.

Camera view change to the side.

Let’s observe our first

example shall we?

CUT TO: A woman (Miranda) walking up to a cubicle. She stops and addresses the party inside the cubicle.

MIRANDA

Excuse me James, I’m

going to need that Simmons

report immediately. Can you

manage that?

CUT TO: The man in the cubicle. He is wearing a robe that’s slightly open and wearing a speedo or something. He’s also somehow lying down and holding a wine glass. Somehow his cubicle has a softer lighting scheme than the previous cut where we saw Miranda. His cubicle also has lit candles prominently displayed.

JAMES

Sure baby. How

about right after some

happy fun time?

CUT TO: Slow zoom on Miranda. She looks down and slightly ashamed. STILL FRAME

SWOOBNER (Voice Over)

Obviously this kind of

harassment will not be

tolerated. And... just as

an unofficial word of advice,

if you are going to harass

somebody, it helps if you’re

NOT the subordinate.

CUT TO: FRONT OF SWOOBNER

SWOOBNER

In this example, James

made Miranda feel very

uncomfortable -- especially

later when she fired him.

CUT TO: side shot.

SWOOBNER

Let’s look at another example

of an uncomfortable situation

that should be avoided.

CUT TO: scene with a man (ROY) interviewing a young woman (BETTY) for a promotion.

ROY

Well, Betty, your quarterly

reports are on task. I do

have several other employees

to interview, however and...

BETTY

Roy -- I need you to know

something.

CUT TO: She puts her hand on his arm.
CUT BACK TO:

BETTY

I’m a go-getter. I’m wiling to

do anything...

CUT TO: She puts her hand on his thigh.
CUT BACK TO: CU ON BETTY

BETTY

(ctn’d)

… ANYTHING to get

this promotion.

CUT TO: WIDE
Roy stands up.

ROY

Betty. I’m stopping this

interview right now. I

will not allow things to

escalate in the direction

they’re going.

CUT TO: Slow zoom on Betty. She looks down and slightly ashamed.

CUT TO: FRONT VIEW OF SWOOBNER

SWOOBNER

Here at Graffito Enterprises

we’re committed to respecting

whatever type of sexual

orientation our employees

identify themselves with.

Keep in mind that many types

of sexual orientation aren’t as

obvious as gay/straight/bi/bestial.

In the previous example,

Roy was not very respective

of Betty’s obvious orientation

of fooling around with her

work superiors for a promotion.

Roy was fired shortly after

the filming of this video.

CUT TO: SIDE OF SWOOBNER

Remember to be mindful

of potential sexual harassment

situations beyond sexual

orientation. Sometimes someone’s

normal daily routine may spark a

potential incident.

CUT TO: An office party. A man (DAVE) is eating chips behind the party table. He is (assumed to be) completely naked (we see him from the waist up). A couple of guys come up to him. The first comes up behind him and starts rubbing his shoulders.

GUY 1

Daaaaave! How ya been man?

DAVE

Alright.

GUY 1

Boy, you’re pretty tight, buddy.

Workin’ too hard maybe? You

Ought to relax, ya think?

Guy 2 comes up to Dave and spar-punches with him a little -- ending his combination with a fake kick in the crotch.

GUY 2

Yeah, Dave. Loosen up. We’re

headin’ to the club after work,

you should come along. I’m driving.

Got a new beaded seat cover.

Think about it!

The two men walk away. A woman (JOYCE) approaches the dip timidly.

DAVE

Hi.

JOYCE

Hello. Uh... so you...

uh... are you married?

She cringes her face a little as she says this.

CUT TO: Slow zoom on Dave. He looks down and slightly ashamed. STILL FRAME

SWOOBNER (VO)

Sometimes people have

unusual routines. Remember,

just because someone is the

office nudist, it doesn’t mean

they want you to open the door

to filthy harassment talk.

You may as well open the

door to a room with a lawsuit

in it.

CUT TO: FRONT OF SWOOBNER

So far, we’ve talked a lot

about direct one-on-one

conflict.

CUT TO: SIDE OF SWOOBNER

SWOOBNER

But what about third-party

harassment? Even if the

party isn’t directly addressed

in the conversation, they

still have a case for harassment

if they see or hear something

of a harassing nature.

CUT TO: Interior of the women’s bathroom. The camera pans from left to right down low in front of the stalls. We see two different sets of women’s feet. They are in conversation.

WOMAN 1

Hey, I hate to bother you,

but do you happen to have

a tampax with you?

WOMAN 2

Oh! Um... I might I...

WOMAN 1

I’m so sorry! I left my purse

at my desk and I REALLY need

one.

WOMAN 2

Oh, that’s alright! Here! I’ll just pass

one underneath the stall.

WOMAN 1

Thank you! Lemme, just reach it...

The women grunt a little as they try to maneuver the tampon to the right place. By this time, the camera has panned all the way to the end of the stall bank where there is a man with his ear pressed up against the stalls. He has the most appalled look on his face ever. The camera zooms slightly in on his aghast face.

CUT TO: SIDE VIEW OF SWOOBNER

SWOOBNER

But what about Robots?!?

CUT TO: a silver robot (a guy wrapped in silver boxes and foil with a motorcycle helmet and a chest display -- which is an iPad) is collating some forms. A woman comes in.

WOMAN

Hey, R4-189! Nice can!

The woman slaps the robot on its robot butt. It makes a hollow sound like she punched a garbage can. The robot’s front display blinks with a beeping sound effect “SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!” The robot looks down. The woman laughs maniacally. STILL FRAME

SWOOBNER (VO)

As I mentioned earlier,

I represent Human Resources

for this company. Presently,

Graffito Enterprises does not

actually have a Robot Resources.

Therefore, sexual harassment

against robots is permitted.

The title “FAIR GAME” is stamped on the screen over the still shot of the shamed robot with the woman laughing at it.

CUT TO: FRONT OF SWOOBNER

SWOOBNER

This concludes your instruction

regarding the sexual harassment

policies of this company.

Please, remember to take these

policies into your head, but not

your heart. Thank you.

The cheesy Atari 2600 music plays.

CUT TO: Side view of Swoobner, but a wider shot.
TITLE: “Copyright 2011 Graffito Enterprises”

Swoobner gets up to leave. We see that he is obviously wearing no pants. He walks out of the shot.

FADE OUT.

anger slide away

I think I didn't get a post in last night.

I think I'm free.

Maybe I don't have to post every day.

Still though. I'm gonna finish that dang college romance story. It's almost done. I swear.